you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
