What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Randomize
