went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
