I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
