in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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