Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
