This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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