When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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