hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
