It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
