Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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