and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
