I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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