Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
