Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
