I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
