i permit you to call me
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
