I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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