i love accidental penises.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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