I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
