Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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