quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
