I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
