I'm really into asian looking animals
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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