She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
