i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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