I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I feel like death gave me a hand job
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
