dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize