I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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