Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
