i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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