he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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