I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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