I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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