i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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