The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
