I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
As shirtless as possible
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
