Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
