During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
