Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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