Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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