therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
