So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
