don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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