he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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