Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
