she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
