My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
