White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
