i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
