I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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