You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
