but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
