i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
