end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
