Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Send help, water and tortillas.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
