On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so explain again why im purple
no
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
