hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
