it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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