Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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