i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize