Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
