I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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