1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I wish you could order shots online.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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