i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
