I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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