Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
