You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
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