if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
