There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
