I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
