if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
