I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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