The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm passing your future prison.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
this will be a night to untag.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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