Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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